When the world stops
by HR always live on
Summary: <html><head></head>Harry has been away on an operation for two weeks. He comes home to Ruth and he has some bad news for her... Don't hate me!</html>
1. Chapter 1

_This is a horrible Harry and Ruth story which is the reaction to all the fluff I'm writing for my A-Z. I recommend you don't read it and I wouldn't have written it but it kept going around in my head. I'm sorry._

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><p>Harry had been dreading going home. He had been arguing with himself the entire train journey from Glasgow but knew he couldn't lie to Ruth. And it would be a lie of omission if nothing else. He would have to tell her and he hated how much this was going to hurt her.<p>

Harry had been in Glasgow for two weeks to catch up with some of his old contacts and assets to find out information about a group of Pakistani terrorists who were using Scotland as their base because too many of them had been caught in London. It had been a successful trip as far as work went but he had missed Ruth terribly and couldn't wait to see her. Which made this doubly hard.

Soon enough he was outside of his house and he unlocked the door. Walking through to the living room he saw Ruth curled on the sofa reading a book. It took a few seconds for her to realise he was back and in that time he admired her understated and elegant beauty which he thought he had remembered accurately. He had underestimated massively just how gorgeous she was and she took his breath away.

"Harry, you're back!" she said loudly, the relief flowing through her. She got up and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Ruth had missed him and had hated the thought of him being in danger. She leaned in to kiss him and was surprised when he drew away from her.

"I have to talk to you," he said sounding massively tired. "It's bad and it's going to be hard for you to hear but I can't lie to you." Ruth looked at him, very worried about the tone he was using. She racked her brains for something that would make him look like this and then the penny dropped. He looked guilty.

"No," she whispered, the truth being beamed almost telepathically to her. "Go on then, say it," she said so quietly, trying to stop her eyes filling with tears which she refused to let fall. "At least have the nerve to tell me."

"I slept with someone else," Harry said. The hardest words he had ever said to anyone. He looked at Ruth but she was looking at the floor. At the furniture. Anywhere but at him. The walls he had spent years trying to get past, to know the real Ruth had suddenly all been put back up from one stupid mistake.

"Get out," she said incredibly quietly. He wouldn't have been able to hear the anger there if he hadn't known her so well.

"I want to talk about this," Harry said, not wanting to leave her. Not like this. "Ruth…"

"No," she said firmly. "You do not get to say my name in that tone of voice. Not after having sex with someone else. Get out." Harry looked at her sadly, knowing that he had lost her.

"Okay," he said quietly. He had to say one more thing before he left. "I'm sorry." Harry turned and left the house silently. Ruth couldn't stand up anymore. She felt her legs go and she crumpled to the floor. How could he do this to her? She felt so betrayed and hurt that she couldn't put it into words. Horrible images were racing around her mind and she couldn't stop them. Harry touching another woman. Kissing her and worse. All the hundreds of times he had made her moan with pleasure and desire and all she could see was him doing that to someone else.

"Oh God," she cried, her hands covering her face in an agony of pain. Then she looked at her left hand. Her wedding ring. She couldn't wear that anymore because it was a lie. She twisted the gold band off of her finger and put it on the coffee table while she wondered how she'd have the strength to go into work tomorrow.

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><p><em>If you don't hate me please leave a review. It's a three chapter story so more soon.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews, even though it's a nasty storyline. Here's part two..._

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><p>Harry had spent all night in his office at Thames House, hating himself. He prayed that she would call him just to shout or yell, but then that wasn't really Ruth was it? He didn't sleep because he didn't want to miss her if she decided to call, slim chance though it was. He was incredibly surprised to see Ruth on the grid first that morning. She took off her coat and then made a beeline for Harry's office.<p>

He watched closely as she opened the door and even in the dim light he could tell she'd been crying. "I just have one thing I want to ask you," she said in a hollow voice, one hoarse with tears. "Why?"

"I don't have an excuse," Harry said honestly. "I was drunk and I wasn't thinking. Pathetic reasoning though that is."

"You promised me Harry," she said quietly. "When I married you, you promised me I wouldn't be like the others. I knew you cheated on your first wife but you told me I was different."

"Its not the same," he said.

"Don't you dare try and justify it," she said the anger seeping through her voice.

"I'm not," Harry said firmly. "Before I had relationships with other women while I was married. This was one mistake which I dearly wish I could take back." He felt like he had been hit in the stomach when he realised that her left hand was bare. Her wedding ring was missing and he knew that would have been done by Ruth on purpose. He swallowed uncomfortably against the lump in his throat but he couldn't resist reaching for her hand from across the desk. His fingertips brushed hers before she quickly snatched her hand away from him.

"Don't touch me. I can't even look at you without seeing you…" she couldn't even say it. "How would you feel if I told you I'd slept with someone else? If you knew that I'd been naked with a different man while he touched me and kissed me and had me begging for more. Making me moan with the way…"

"Stop it," Harry said, his voice cracking with pain at the images she had created for him.

"That's how I feel. And unlike you, I don't have the luxury of knowing it's a lie. That's what's running through my head right now, Harry," she said sadly. "You with… her. And I can't stand it." Ruth managed to let her eyes settle on Harry after a minutes worth of silence. She hated how much she loved him, even when he had hurt her more than anyone else ever had before.

"I should get to work," Ruth said breaking the silence. Harry nodded and hated the disappointment he saw in her eyes. He closed his eyes as the office door shut behind her. He wanted to hold her and kiss her so badly and couldn't stand the fact that he had given up that right.


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's the final installment..._

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><p>It had been a bad day at work. A bomb had gone off in central London killing scores of people. Ruth had taken herself up to the roof, needing time alone to deal with the aftermath of a terrible day. Harry argued with himself whether he should go and meet her and decided that he couldn't possibly make things worse by his presence so he put his coat on and went to see her.<p>

He saw her figure leaning over the railings watching London go by. He waited not wanting to disturb her until he had to.

"I know you're there," she said without turning to face him. Harry walked closer to her and stood next to her. He hadn't slept in longer than he could remember but he was glad he could stand this close to her without her shrinking away from him.

"That was a bad day," she said to break the silence.

"Yes. Bombs, destruction and death. Its never good." He turned and looked into her eyes, sad to see the tears coursing silently down her face.

"I hate this," Ruth said. "I hate how much I need you. I wish I didn't need to see your face every hour of the day. I wish I could forget how it feels when you touch me and I wish I didn't love you so much. Everyday for two weeks, I've been desperate to see you and now you come home and…"

"I'm so sorry," he said, knowing it wouldn't make a difference. He covered her freezing hand with his own, hoping she wouldn't shy away from him. She didn't. Ruth sighed as his thumb stroked the back of her hand softly. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I want to wake up and realise I've had the worst dream of my life," Ruth said hollowly. He kept his hand on hers, not wanting to move it. "You know you've hurt me," she said with a hint of a question.

"Yes," Harry said. "I do. And I am so, so sorry. If it makes you feel any less horrible I can't really remember much."

"That doesn't help me," Ruth said, shaking her head. "As demeaning as it is, I need you too much. I don't want to leave you." Harry started to cling to a fraction of hope that she was giving him. She turned to him and looked him in the eye. "It's going to take a long time for me to trust you again."

"I know," Harry said. And he did. It had taken eight years for them to get this far in their relationship, he knew it would take a long time for her to trust him. If she ever would. But he would do anything within his power to earn that trust. No matter how long it took.

THE END

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><p><em>Now I've got the angst out of the way I can concentrate on my alphabet of fluff. Leave a review please!<em>


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